Where is God?

Where is God in a world so full of unspeakable pain? This question was posed on the back cover of a book I was reading as I waited for the funeral of a seven year old girl to begin. It was a question I was asking as I felt the loss of this beautiful little girl named Viola. In a two week period of time, she was the second child our community was gathering together to bury. In my spirit, I was wrestling with harsh realities and great sadness. Viola died from a preventable and treatable disease.
A few days ago, a 17 year old, single mother gave us her three month old baby. This precious little girl, weighing only seven pounds, was unable to defend herself. She was unable to speak for herself except for her brown eyes that pierced my heart. Her mother was overwhelmed with the burdens of life. She grew up in a home where her single mother sold herself to feed her children. The cycle is now being repeated. This baby, appropriately named Grace, was accepted at a children’s home about an hour away from Kipkaren. When we arrived at the children’s home, the director said, “Where is the unwanted child?” His wife, who was holding the baby, quickly replied by speaking these life-giving words to the baby: “You are wanted. Listen to me. I want you.” I cannot help but ache for this young mother who remains without hope. My heart also aches for her other daughter, Ivy, who at two years old is blind, deaf, mute, and lame. Where is God in a world so full of unspeakable pain?
My little Flovia, the severely malnourished three year old I have written about before, has been with us for the past two and a half months and is thriving. She has brought me more joy than I can describe. She has increased from 14 lbs. to 22 lbs. She has relearned to walk and loves to play with her little baby doll. She now has the energy to throw major temper-tantrums and is incredibly particular about everything. Honestly, she could not be more lovely. She is learning to speak in multiple languages and calls everyone who cares for her “Mama.” This is who we are to her. The odds are stacked against this orphaned, HIV+ child; and the question, once again, resurfaces: Where is God? The truth is, as in every situation above, He is right in the middle of the pain. Closer than I know, He is grieving with the mother who has lost her child. His loving kindness is pursuing this teenage mom that is broken-hearted and without hope. He is fighting and giving a voice to the abandoned baby and helpless orphans.
In my life, I am finding that the closer I get to God the closer I get to the suffering. Never has the contrast between joy and pain been as real to me as it is now. It seems it should be either one or the other. However, in this land joy and pain coexist. I walk and play with barefooted children each day. I listen to orphans sing, “The Lord is my portion in the land of the living. The Lord is good forevermore.” The sun rises and sets each day reminding me that the Lord is faithful. I do not always feel His presence, but I have learned to trust that there is a share of mercy that is enough for everything that will be encountered this day.